Ugh...

Sometimes I get tired of being "on guard".  I think about how nice it would be if I didn't have to be on high alert...always being aware of and being prepared to fight against Satan's attacks.  

I've felt so loved and protected lately.  Feeling like I'm in God's palm, safe from the attacks of the enemy.  But today, I felt that sneakiness creep in.  

The things that happened today were of little consequence, and quite small in the grand scheme of it all.  But, I started to feel the suffocating weight of worry.  I'm not a worrier by nature.  My faith and relationship with God is flawed in many ways.  But the one thing that I've always leaned on is that I trust God, and I always believe that He will work things out.  

Today, I worried about money.  I never worry about money.  It was compounded by the fact that I was sitting in the dentist's chair (which always makes for the worst moments of my life!) trying not to hyperventilate.  Learning that I had four ("they call me Yuck Mouth, because I don't brush...") cavities, and that I now have to go back to the dentist twice in the next few weeks.  Gulp.  And that those visits will cost me $200.  Double gulp.  And sitting in the chair, already on the verge of panic because it's my least favorite activity, I remembered that I got a speeding ticket two weeks ago that will cost me $240.  And of course, that was completely my fault, and I take full ownership. (Although I didn't realize I was speeding...which is an issue all on its own!)  And after I left the torture, that most people refer to as a teeth cleaning, I stopped to pick up my new contacts.  Another $200.  

As of two weeks, I don't have a job.  I don't have an income.  And all of these months leading up to this, God has clearly told me not to sweat it.  That He will take care of me.  That if I'll let Him, He'll provide.  But today, I let my guard down for a minute.  I let worry creep in.  I let my doubts and fears take over.  

And then I remembered...that I am God's kid.  That Satan has no right to creep into my life.  I have the armor of God on.  I will stand firm, and I will let God do the fighting for me.  

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God,so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.


And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." Ephesians 6:10-18