Her...

I've been waiting for this moment. I knew it would eventually happen. I wasn't sure when, but I knew it would be soon.

It was this morning.

I sent this text to my friend, Brittany.

"I knew it would happen eventually, and today is the day...that the weight of all the changes in my life feel suffocatingly heavy. So I'm just sitting on the back steps and crying, and praying and processing. Oh how I wish you were sitting next to me right now."

I sold everything I own. I moved out of my house. It sat empty for three months. I moved in with a most gracious friend. I quit my job. I moved to DC two days later for six weeks. I came back to North Carolina. I'm working for the next two months. I closed on my house. Some of my relationships have lessened, and some have deepened. There are future dreams and possibilities swirling. There is just a a lot going on.

And although I'm all in, and I trust God, this morning, I was sad. And I was missing the familiar. And more than anything, I missed waking up in a bed I own, and sitting outside on my porch. And I don't feel bad about that. I think it's ok to mourn the loss of things and places and memories.

But in the midst of that moment, my champ of a friend sent me the following:

"Welcome to it buddy... The place where there is nothing to hold onto but Him. No job, no home, no person that you can latch onto to be reminded of who you are. And it's terrifying. It feels like free falling, but having no idea what is going to catch you... or when. My best advice to you, Let Go. Lean into it friend. You've taken the steps. Life is crazy. Now you have to trust Him in the fall. When your heart skips and you can't catch your breath, breathe Him in. He is there with you. Holding you. And anything else that your hands could grab would make you feel safe but would never be what you really need. I don't think most people ever get here. Don't miss this moment that you're in. It will end. I know that it's so hard when what you're grabbing onto you can't see. But in that He's teaching you to see Him in everything. I love you."

And really, although this entry begins telling you where I'm at and how I'm feeling, it's really just a gateway for me to tell you about her. Brittany Girle.  The words she sent me were perfect, as always.

I'm pretty sure she's my hero. I'm pretty sure anyone that has ever met her feels that way about her.

She has had the biggest impact on me spiritually of anyone I've ever met. I've never seen someone fight so fiercely to live their life for God. She is also an idiot...in the very best way! She's the most entertaining and ridiculous person I know. She is up for any and every adventure. She makes me laugh like no other.

We have walked (sometimes carried, pushed, pulled, dragged) through the darkest moments of our lives together. We have been on our faces in prayer for each other. We have sometimes yelled and screamed at one another. We have walked through death and heartache. Lots of heartache.

She calls me out when I need to be called out. Always in love. In fact, she called me out about something today.

She has extended me more grace than any person deserves.

She is the girl that every boy falls in love with, and every person wants to be her friend.

She is kind, and generous, and never judgmental.

We sort of started our friendship with me being her teacher, and now, she is mine.

In the midst of the unknown, I am so grateful for this friend who knows me. I am so grateful that we are walking through life together.

I am so grateful to love and be loved by her.