It's been a few weeks since I've written anything. I just didn't feel like writing. I don't feel like writing today. But, as with each time, God has nudged me, so I'm being obedient.
I mentioned before that I was working in the OCC warehouse. I did that for the past 4 weeks. It was hard. Really hard. My body ached every single night. I had bruises from head to toe. And funny enough, I learned the hard way that I have an allergy to cardboard. After putting together several hundred cardboard boxes one day, my eyes swelled shut, and my throat closed shut. So, that was fun! I've learned that I have to keep my contact with cardboard to a minimum, which is virtually impossible in a warehouse. Most days, it's not too bad, and it just leaves me a little bit itchy.
Last week we started our training for the upcoming processing season (which starts today). I'm the Quality Control Manager (which I think is hilarious!) for the second shift. I'll be working from 2:30-11:30 pm. This is 6 days a week, and will go until December 20th. And wouldn't you know, my area is in charge of cardboard collection and removal. Haha!
Although I'll miss out on every social activity for the next month, I am SO grateful that I can sleep in. In the midst of working, God has still figured out a way to give me rest. He's pretty great like that.
I've had to process some things this week, and battle a little bit of guilt. Many of the people I'll be working second shift with are working other jobs. They have families they are supporting, and need this extra, seasonal income to make ends meet. They are working all day, and then coming in to work the night shift. They will have very little contact with their families for 4 weeks.
I've felt a little bit silly and shallow when I think about the fact that I don't need this job. Now, it's not that I'm rolling in dough. It's just that every decision that I've made in the last 10 months was to make sure that I could afford to live, potentially jobless, for the next year. And truthfully, that has come with many sacrifices on my end. I sold all of my belongings. I sold my home. I've chosen to move into a room, instead of owning or renting. I don't have any debt, and my car is paid off.
I've been churning all of this around in my head. And what I've decided is that guilt gets you nowhere. Our circumstances are our own, and aren't really comparable to others. And if I'm letting you into the depths of my heart, I would much prefer that I needed this job, because it would mean that I had a family that is counting on me. I would trade the financial freedom of a single person for a family of my own in a heartbeat. I'd love to be in debt up to my ears because my husband and I are in the process of adopting. I'd love to take an extra job to pay for my kids' braces. I'd love to fight with my spouse about the stress of not having enough, and then working together to come up with a solution.
Phew. That was hard to write. I'm ugly crying right now.
Life is hard. We always want what others have. But, 'ol Paul was on to something:
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I may have plenty, but I am still living in want. Oh Father, please help me to be content.
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